85/365

so i know i cried around yesterday about not getting any blue berry muffins for breakfast. well, this morning, johnathan went to safeway and got some mix and made me blueberry muffins before i even woke up.

so awesome to wake up to the smell of baking muffins!

84/365

we went fishing today. got up at an ungodly hour of 7 am... ;) we shouldn't have stayed up so late last night. we knew we were getting up early to go fishing. i was sooooo tired that i told johnathan to just go without me. he pulled me outta bed and he didn't even have muffins made! he took me through the drive thru at mcdonald's for breakfast! fyi: i'm not a big fan of mickey d's breakfast.

anyway, we took roxy with us. poor dear was so hot! she didnt want to get into the water, i finally just threw her in. but she used us for shade the whole time since we didn't get into a spot with trees.

she and i both agree that it's so handy having johnathan around. so here's another use for him...

83/365

so i kinda went through my bag of stuff i brought home from my desk at work. it's just been sitting on the couch then moved to the office for the last week and a half.

found a valentine's day card that i had gotten for johnathan back in the beginning of february. i remember i had to run to walmart and pick some stuff up for work and i picked up a v-day card for him while i was there. since johnathan has a nose for sniffing out any surprises i have for him (and in effect, ruining the surprise), i kept the card at work. i meant to give it to him when v-day rolled around but i must have forgotten all about the card.

anyway, i gave it to him today. it was a nice surprise, but of course men just don't get as sentimental about what the card says as women do. more's the pity since i thought this card really said it all.

82/365

so... my first complete week at home is coming to an end. i've come to a realization that i've only before guessed at.

i can not stay home.

i remember when i was in college the first time. i remember johnathan telling me i needed to get out and do something or that he couldn't wait for school to start during my breaks. because, he'd say i was "going crazy". stir crazy. cabin fever. you name it.

i only have another week to go before my classes start. i ventured out of the house today. i'm so glad i did. there's nothing to do at home. it's a very beautiful home, but there's nothing to do! i stopped by this quirky little antique place on the way home today. they had some way cool stuff there. what caught my attention, and i snapped a pic of it before i thought better, was this bird cage. i never liked the thought of caging birds. it just seemed deeply wrong to me.

guess there was a reason after all why i chose this picture above all the others today.

81/365

we went for a walk to safeway to return some movies to the $1 kiosk there. we cut through the softball fields to make the trip faster and there were games going on. i think these were middle school girls cuz they didn't have the fierce competitive-ness of high schoolers.

anyway, it was still exciting to watch even if only for a few minutes.

it amazes me that i was able to do this when i was in highschool. now, i'm so scared of anything flying at me that i freak out. guess that's the result of a cracked cheek bone from a flying softball.

80/365

so our neighbors property can look kind of trashy all the time. actually, it is junky. they have these old junk cars all over the place. i dunno how they stand it.

we went for a quick walk up to the mailbox yesterday and as we were coming down the hill i saw this and knew i had to have it for my picture of the day.

79/365

so i really meant to make navajo tacos for dinner tonight... (the road to hell is paved with good intentions) BUT on the plus side, i did wash the dishes! it's been quite some time since i've washed the dishes. i would daresay over a year. i know, i know, i have a husband who spoils me. i'm kind of stupid like this, but i washed the dishes after i gave myself a manicure. now my nails are all chipped. DOH!

so we went to wonderful house tonight. our one "night out" for the whole week. we made a deal that we would only eat out once a week including the weekends. so no eating out this weekend, since we spent our "night out" already. this is gonna suck. johnathan was trying to say that we would only eat out once a month!! preposterous!! i told him that if we were gonna try cutting costs since i'm not working anymore, and we're gonna do it by not eating out so much to at least be more realistic about it. so we decided on once a week.

i dont know if it's just because i'm sick, or starting to get over being sick, but food is just not tasting right to me. the texture and taste. like... everything almost tastes soggy to me... *shrugs shoulders*
dunno.

78/365

johnathan and i went for a walk the other evening and saw a hummingbird. then i saw another one flying around the window last night.

this is another one of my favorite pictures because of the setting sun in the background. love how it comes out... i'm getting good at it.

i need to get some hummingbird feeder stuff... i also really need to clean the yard. dang, i cant believe the week is just flying by! i dont know why i feel like i'm running out of time. i mean, i still have like a week and a half before classes start and besides that, i'm only taking one class which runs from 9:40-11:40 so it's not like i'll be gone all damn day. (okay, i ended that sentence... you may now take a breath). then i'll have a few weeks off before august rolls around and we go on our vacation.

i'll try to get around to everything i've been saying i dont have time to do.

77/365

so everytime we go to albuquerque, we always go to the disney store and get a mug or cup. came back the other week weekend with kermits' drawers. i really like this cup cuz i think it's the cutest thing ever.

i always liked kermit. i always like miss piggy a little better though. i just thought kermit has so much patience to put up with her but she was still my favorite character. now everytime i drink outta this cup i gotta do the miss piggy voice of screeching "KERMY!" at johnathan.

=)

76/365

so we had a birthday party for my older brother's lil guy saturday. he's turning three this year and is also gonna be a big brother come september!

we picked up his cake when everyone was picking up their graduation cakes. they actually put "congratulations alex!" instead of "happy birthday alex!" they ended up scraping it off and re-writing it for us.

another year older... wow. really. has that much time passed already??

75/365

awww.... SUMMER TIME!!

this has me so freakin excited! i love summer, it's my favorite season. it was so nice and warm today that i broke out my shorts and flip flops. okay, so maybe my flip flops never got put away

(the coloradans are rubbing off on me

BUT i have not gotten to the point where i'm wearing them in the snow!).

74/365

i went to a funeral today for one of my grandpa's. my grandma's little brother passed away over the weekend. he was in the navy and was in WWII. the chapel the services took place at was so crowded that people were standing in the lobby through the whole thing.

i'd never seen how the graveside services were for a veteran besides on tv, the real thing was something to see. they had all older navajo veterans do the gun salute and the folding of the flag. i wished i could have taken pictures. i had my camera in the car and actually debated taking pictures but i thought it would be construed as disrespectful to a lot of people there, especially my real traditional navajo relatives.

i've posed this question before: how do i balance the need to photograph everything with my more traditional side? there have been pictures that i've taken that i felt iffy on and in the end i ended up not posting it because it was too much of a question for me about whether i should even be taking pictures of that certain something or not. one such pictures that i actually posted but still question is the picture of the ants (picture 23) because of traditional reasons.

so i wish i could have pictures of this day. that i could have captured the somber air when the guns were being shot, or when the winds picked up to blow the flags that stood behind the navajo veteran as he offered the prayer before the casket was lowered, or my grandpa's wife as she lovingly tossed the rose on his grave and the heartbreakingly real grief on her face (they were married 63 years), or the tears that ran down his sister's weathered face knowing she's now the last of her brothers and sisters.

another question: why would i want to take pictures of this? because it happened.

so while i struggled with this emotionally and spiritually and tried to come to a reconciliation on it, i struggled physically to overcome this stupid illness i've contracted. i think it's strep... bleh. i'm actually starting to really like the way nyquil tastes. johnathan calls me a glonnie because he says i'm in it for the alcohol but seriously, it's starting to be that if they made an alcoholic beverage that tasted like this- i'd probably be a fan!

73/365

ugh. my first day of being free and i can't even enjoy it! i think i may have strep throat but i feel so not good. i've been in bed all day guzzling this stuff. i hate drinking it cuz the alcohol really makes me feel fuzzy.

72/365

it was my last day at work. well, technically friday was my last day but my boss had already told everyone that i would be gone wednesday (for a funeral) and that i wouldn't be back into the office after that. she was determined to get me out of there asap. no skin off my nose since i'll be getting paid for it without taking anything away from my sick and vacation hours. i'd almost be insulted if i wasn't so happy to be leaving.

anyway, they got me a cake and some flowers as a going away thing. they invited everyone in our office over and it was nice saying bye to everyone. there are people there that i'll miss. kind of bittersweet because i did make friends with a lot of good people all over the organization and a lot of people were sad to see me go.

but the cake? either they had an illiterate write it or they forgot to add a "t" to it...

71/365

so i actually took a different picture today. took a picture of my resignation letter. it came out pretty cool. i even edited it and everything but when i went to upload it to the internet, it just wouldn't take.

i snapped this last minute as i was walking out the building at work. made my car pool guys wait for me in the heat. one of them was like "come on michelle, you can take pictures of weeds at ron's house" meaning the driver's house.

i dont know why this just stuck with me. even on the way home when i was thinking about my picture of the day, this picture stuck out in my head more than my resignation letter. something about it i just really like. looked up what dandelion means and it came up "love's oracle".

i must ponder this more...

70/365

this place is awesome but is kind of on the expensive side so we rarely eat here. we watched a movie today and got some lunch here before we headed home to our poor neglected roxy.

69/365

we went to albuquerque for the weekend. kind of a last minute trip to just get away from everyone and everything. for me, it was to escape the constant worry of how i'm going to give my resignation monday morning.

anyway, i have to admit that the sandia mountains are actually kind of pretty. not as pretty as my mountains but still nice... in a rugged, rough terrain type of way.

there's this photographer in albuquerque that i just love even though i've never actually gotten pics done by him! he utilizes the sandias in his backgrounds alot. very very talented artist. here's his website if you just wanted to browse around...
www.frankfrost.com

68/365

i love this pic. i kept zooming into the water drop when it was on my camera. *sighs* i love my camera. i love how crisp it caught the water. very cool.

anyway, it rained overnight. i love the rain and i love especially when it rains overnight and you wake up in the morning and everything is so fresh and so clean and it all smells soooo good.

if you click on the picture, it should bring it up larger and you can see what i'm talking about in reference to the water drop.

67/365

we never got our census form. i, more than anyone, should know the importance of the 2010 census. i only went to all the meetings for my boss who was the liason between the census people and the tribe.

we just never got our form and i kept meaning to call but when i'd actually remember, it was the weekend and i didn't think i'd get anyone. maybe i should try anyway.

66/365

i have this set of bedding that johnathan hates to use. i think he hates it cuz the sheets are bright pink. i actually thought about changing them out to plain old white but then i thought "this is my bed, if he doesn't like my pink sheets, tough." now he only groans about it when we're changing the sheets and i choose the pink ones.

anyway, the pillows have pink pom-poms hanging off them- which he also hates. it's so tought being married to me...

65/354

whenever i give directions to our house, i always tell people to turn after the big blue mailbox that says alvarez.

i think our big blue mailbox is need of more paint. i remember when we were told which mailbox was ours. it was big and ugly and silver. i made johnathan take it back to our house- it must weigh like a thousand pounds. i remember because that night he was complaining that he was sore from lugging it in and out of his truck.

sorry babe, but i'm gonna have to ask you to do it again cuz it's starting to look a little shabby...

64/365

i know, i know! you're all mad after the last few lackluster photos. no excuses except i've had a lot on my mind lately and have just been taking pics as a last minute type deal. promise i'll do better here again soon.

anyway, i'm really loving todays pic. i went outside intending to get another lackluster photo- i was actually just gonna take some pics of our tree starting to bloom- gotta tell you it's got me excited to see that summer is so close! the sun was setting and i couldn't get the photo angle right. i was walking around this low hanging tree trying to get the color and angle right when voila! i happen to get the tree silhouted and the sun setting in the back. so cool how the sun came out as just a light yellow ball.

63/365

happy mother's day.

we watched iron man 2. i wanted to wait until the crowds thinned out a bit- say a few more weekends but johnathan wanted to see it now! *stomps foot*

i actually enjoyed it. i heard it was giving "the dark knight" a run for its money.

62/365

we went to gallup this day to see my daddy. stopped by the flea market but didnt get anything except a sun burned neck and an exhausted roxy.

we ate at this place called "Earl's". it's a cool little place that allows vendors to sell out around the restuarant and walk around inside selling. we picked up this pretty little pottery horse inlaid with turquoise for $20.

61/365

went to the dentist. had a grand ole time, as most people have so much fun when they go. i wanna know when i'll be getting my ice cream cone like all the little kids there. why do they get to walk out with delicious vanilla soft serve and i only have the smell of the dentist in my mouth?

not fair...

60/365

just finished this baby blanket. the colors worked out good on it....

59/365

so, as i come to a close on the last two years of my life, i'm a lot sad. not because i'll be leaving but because i stayed for so long. i was a victim for so long. it was abuse- the bullying, gaslighting, nitpicking, agressive and hostile treatment. it got pretty bad at times but i stayed anyway.

if it was my spouse i was talking about, everyone would be trying constantly to get me to leave, to seek counseling, to go to a women's shelter, to get help. what happens when it's your boss that's been abusing you. oh not physically, no. but every other way possible. and how can it not manifest itself physically? your health cant help but suffer. everything suffers.

i feel so battered and beat down. i felt subservient, a person whose opinion did not matter, who was constantly at fault and in the wrong. everytime my name was spoken, my stomach clenched and my body was wracked with tension. i sat at my desk in a near constant state of intense anxiety. i cried at nights because i didnt want to go to work. i was sick to my stomach and got stomach aches on the way to work.

the sad part is, i actually really enjoyed my job. but i got no credit and was blamed for everything. but i felt like i deserved it all, that it was all my fault. that the criticism i received, no matter how unrealistic or unfair, was deserved. that the mental abuse i was going through was really my fault. maybe if i had done the task quicker, or neater, or read her mind, then maybe i would have received, if not praise, then an acknowledgment of a job well done. it was a good day for me when the work i did was not commented upon. those were rare days.

but i talk about the abuse as it really is, as i experience and experienced it at the hands of my boss and no one is rushing to my rescue. how is that?

i've been told i'm not the same person i was when i first started this job. i dont want to be a victim anymore. today's picture is broken glass. i feel so fragile right now, it could go either way- i could come through intact, or i can shatter. i feel like i'm grasping at a lifeline right now and my hands are slipping. i have to hang on just a little while longer until i can get out.

58/365

so i got a perm in my hair this weekend. made my hair so much shorter but i'm really liking it. i want the back really curly but the front with just a small wave. i straighten my bangs out every morning but i worked out hard today and my bangs got sweaty.

see what happens...?

57/365

okay, so i know this pictures is totally gross but it was the best i could do. i tried to take a pic of the whole bathroom which a total mess but not that gross altogether but i didnt feel like changing out my lens and i couldnt fit the whole room through my 50mm lens.

anyway, as you could probably tell, i shaved the dog this weekend. her hair got like EVERYWHERE!!

ew.

56/365

i had a shoot today up in ignacio. originally i was going to be photographing 3 five month old babies. so i girded my loins and went up there only to find out that there was only gonna be one baby after all.

anyway, she was a little cutie who just smiled and smiled away at me. her mom was amazed because she said the baby doesnt really like anyone besides the parents. even the mom's mom gets screamed at by the baby when she tries holding her.

i gotta say, i'm flattered...

55/365

johnathan got me a new wedding ring today!!!

he spoils me so badly. i almost feel guilty about switching out my wedding rings. almost like i'm being unfaithful to my original wedding ring that i've worn constantly for the past five years. i've never taken that ring off. i'm a little sentimental about it. how do women buy new wedding rings all the time??

i can't believe it! i'd been looking at this ring at zales for quite some time now. not that i wanted to replace the ring i already have but i was just looking at it because it was so gorgeous. i kept saying "maybe one day we'll upgrade." i didn't think it was gonna be now! but i'm not complaining. i totally love it!!!